Changes

Found time to write another post.....

Much has changed in the past month. To start things off, my mom knows I am not a virgin. Kaiser Permanente sent another letter to my home, one month later -__- But, I knew this day would eventually come, and I couldn't lie to my mother when she asked me if I've ever had contact.

She was so disappointed in me... and I understand. She put so much trust in me only for me to break it. Well, she trusted the both of us, and now that trust is broken. I know she won't look at me the same. She doesn't even want to see Jayson's face. How am I ever gonna mend things between my mother and I? How can I gain that trust back? The one thing she told me to cherish and value the most, I gave away so easily. I'm not putting any blame on Jayson... for it was still up to me to let things get as far as they did. How will my mom ever trust Jayson again? They had such a good relationship and now, it's ruined. God I messed up. I just want things to get back to normal. These are the times when I wish I had just waited to allow Jayson into my life. But, what's done is done, and we can't do anything about it but move on. I just hope my mom comes around and eventually accepts Jayson back into our lives, if he does.

With that said, I won't be seeing Jayson for a while. That's what I wanted in the first place since we broke up, but I didn't know it would be because of this. And even before my mother found out about me losing my virginity, I felt like things between Jayson and I were slowly falling apart - well on my side at least. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't even know I truly feel for him anymore. I just don't wanna think about it at all. Gah this sucks. I don't regret being in a relationship with him, but man I seriously wish I had waited at least two years before entering in such a serious one. Idk. I don't effing know anymore. I just don't knowww. I wanna cry about everything :(

My birthday is in about two weeks. Things are so different now, but I still wish I have a good one. *Sigh*