It is currently 9:05 a.m as I am typing this... It is New Years Day and I'm supposed to be working but I called off. I honestly don't even have time to blog like that anymore. Anywho...
I haven't had a day off since the semester was over. Boy was I wrong for thinking I'd be able to get my full 8 hours of sleep back. I've still got so much to do and so little time! Let's hope I get enough money from these part-time jobs I've decided to take up.
Anyway, the reason I'm blogging: my boyfriend. As usual. Things between us lately have just been so rough. I've been losing my temper much easier with him nowadays.... and I can't seem to control it. Any little thing he says can annoy me which then leads to arguments that are out of control. What is up with us?
Honestly though, I think this is completely normal. Although we are in this weird phase, it's just a phase. We had a talk last night, and he mentioned to me that he was becoming unhappy and depressed (or something like that) because of me. Well honey, if I'm not completely happy with how things are with us, how can I make you happy? This becomes a whole complicated ordeal, but let's just say I don't act like a bitch for no reason. I feel like I've been succumbing to his policies way more than he has with mine (in the first place, I don't even have any restrictive policies towards him!) And it's always the same things over and over again: He basically decides who I can/cannot hang with, who I can/cannot talk to, what I can/cannot wear, where I can/cannot go, and other shit that I can/cannot do! It seems a great deal of what I do makes him uncomfortable, which gives him reason to THINK he can exercise some control over me. I'm so frustrated because I have given up my youth for him. He always says he tries to meet me in the middle with this stuff, but it never turns out that way - and if it does, it's rare. What I'm doing to him right now is simply rebellion, because I refuse to abide by him all the time and I refuse to become the woman with a mid-life crisis in the future.
All I simply want is balance in this relationship. Trust me, I've got a lot to work on too, but as for him, he just needs to stop trying to be some authoritative figure in my life.
Happy New Years.
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